Thinking of You
by monkkie-jedi
Summary: Comparisons are easily made. Once you’ve had a taste of perfection. Like an apple hanging from a tree. I got the ripest one, I still got the seed. AU & AH Songfic for Twilight, song is Thinking of you by Katy Perry.


Thinking of You

(Song By Katy Perry)

I remember the nights, when he would come to my apartment and bring me out to some romantic evening, giving me sweet kisses along the way and sweeping me off of my feet. I was in love, sweet love. He was my first boyfriend, and me his first real girlfriend. He was one of the sweetest that I had ever met, the best looking, the bravest, the most protective, and the most loving man that I had ever met.

And now, I lay in bed with a man, kissing me and trying to get more out of me, but trying to keep quiet so my daughter didn't hear a thing.

This man wasn't like the first, he wasn't the best looking, or the bravest, or even the most loving. He didn't whisper in his ear that he loved me as we made love, didn't caress me, wasn't gentle, and it made me think of the differences.

_**Comparisons are easily made  
Once you've had a taste of perfection  
Like an apple hanging from a tree  
I got the ripest one, I still got the seed**_

When we made love, me and this second man, I pretended that I was in _his _armsinstead of this man's. I remembered the sweet embraces and the whispering in my ear, the gentle way that he held me. It made my eyes fill up with tears.

I remembered the first time we met, our first kiss, our first time for everything. We lived in separate apartments, more because I was scared than us just not wanting to. The only thing was that he almost always spent the night at my apartment, not always sleeping together, but mostly sleeping in his arms and my head on his chest.

I had thought he was perfect, my soul mate, because he never pushed me to do something that I didn't want, hardly ever fought with me over things, and he loved me unconditionally. If he would've seen me that night, I don't know what he would've ever done.

_**You said move on, where do I go?  
I guess second best is all I will know**_

"What will I ever do without you?" I asked him as we lay in bed, him shirtless and me wearing a blue silk camisole and matching blue shorts, and he looked down at me, drawing his eyes away from the TV.

His eyes were a bright green, a shining liquid green that drew me in from the first time I had seen him. "I want you to move on, if anything ever happens. I don't want you to kill yourself, I don't want you to live your life like a zombie, I want you to move on. Live, don't let it sizzle down to nothing." He leaned in and kissed me on my forehead; he wasn't asking for anything, just a sweet kiss.

"What would you do without me?" He looked at me like he was surprised at the question.

"You're the greatest thing in my life, and I don't think that I could go on without you." I didn't like the answer, and he knew it. "What would you want me to do?"

I looked down, finding our bodies curled together under the blankets, the sweet temperament that surrounded us. I didn't want it to end, but it might someday, and I didn't want him to do what he was implying.

"Don't, do what you told me to do." He smiled, giving me a sweet kiss on the lips.

"I'll do whatever you say, Bella." I smiled, kissing him back, even more force put into the kiss. "Thank you, Edward."

_**You're like an Indian Summer in the middle of winter  
Like a hard candy with a surprise center**_

When I had first entered his room, I felt the warm air coming from the heater, warming me from the cold walk outside. He had decided that we should go to his home, for a small piece of knowledge about him.

"Follow me." He walked forward, his hand outstretched behind him, and I grabbed it while he led the way.

His apartment was bigger than I thought it would be, two bedrooms and two bathrooms, and the second bedroom was our destination. It was all the way at the back of a hallway, a light brown door the entrance. "Why'd you bring me here, if you have all of that stuff out there." And indeed, he did have a lot of stuff. It looked like he had enough money to support us, if he ever had the guts to ask and if I ever had the guts to say yes.

He seemed a whole lot better than me, plain Jane Bella, the one with brown hair and eyes.

"I just have a lot of stuff in here that you won't be able to see out there." He opened the door and I took in the surroundings.

It was a large room, a tan-gold colored carpet and a bed with a richer shade of the color for the comforter. It was a king-sized, for only one person, but that wasn't the only thing that caught my eyes; it was the tall shelves filled with CDs and records, even cassette tapes. It was my kind of place.

"That is a lot of music." I said as I walked forward. He had something by every music artist since the eighties, even the seventies. "I can't find music like this anywhere." I found the CD player and decided to see what he had been listening to last.

"Let's see what you listen to." I walked over, grabbed the remote, and pressed play. But what came through the speakers was something I wasn't expecting.

I looked up at him, surprised, and he answered nervously. "It's Debussy, classical music." I nodded, surprised and happy.

"Yeah, Claire De Lune. My mom used to play it around the house when I was younger, I only remember my favorites, but it's pretty cool." He smiled and grabbed me in his arms, twirling me around before setting me back on the ground and giving me a sweet and slow kiss on the lips.

_**How do I get better once I've had the best?  
You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test**_

"I think I'll have to be careful of who I fall in love with, then." We had been talking about a story I loved to read, Wuthering Heights, and how they should've been careful who they had fallen in love with. He had been comparing me with the woman in the story.

"I guess, but there's tons of fish in the sea, I don't know if you can make sure." I looked up at him, our faces moving closer and closer. "I think that you need to be careful who you fall in love with. It might be some plain girl with the dreams of seducing a rich man then killing him in his sleep, one their honeymoon and running away with all of the money." I joked, and he laughed slightly before looking me straight in the eyes.

"I'm too far to pick who I fall in love with, and I don't think I can make myself leave you." He then kissed me, and it got more passionate, filled with love, and made my knees melt.

_**He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth  
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself**_

And at that moment, I was disgusted. I wanted to run to the bathroom and heave, wash him off of me. I wished that I had never met him, never slept with him. I just wanted to get rid of this life and be with him again.

I pushed away from him in bed, pulling the strap on my bra up and pulling on a robe. "Isabella, what's wrong?" But I didn't answer him, I only walked out of the room and sat down on one of the couches, looking out of the window and remembering when he had left.

He had bought this house the day before he had proposed to me, and the thought never crossed my mind to sell it. He had put so much work into this house, building everything that needed to be added, because it had been a job that needed to be redone. It had taken him days, weeks, months to finish it, and when it was finally done, I had found that I was pregnant.

But a few weeks later, he had been called off to Iraq. He had signed up as a medic, because he was good as a doctor, but I had hardly even said goodbye. I had been mad at him, not wanting him to leave, and we had only been fighting for our last days together.

But when he was gone, I had gone into a bad time, only eating because of my baby and my sister-in-law that had come to my house every day, Alice, to check and make sure I wasn't doing something to harm the baby. She was also my best friend.

When I was almost due for giving birth to my baby, two more weeks, she decided to come early. Alice had taken to staying over during the night, to make sure I wasn't alone when I went into labor. And I was lucky, because I hadn't been alone.

By three o' clock in the morning, the next day, my daughter was born. Blake Angelina Masen, 7 pounds and 7 ounces, a lucky number in my book. Her hair, from what I could see, was the bronze color of her father. But that night, she hadn't yet opened her eyes, so I couldn't see if she had his brilliant green eyes.

But I got an e-mail that night, from the army, whatever you would call it, telling me one thing:

_Mrs. Isabella Swan Masen,_

_We are sorry to inform you that your husband has been killed in action. Today, he was shot down while trying to protect a group of people from the shots of men that were trying to take over where he was commissioned. We are sorry and are sending his body back to you in the next plane back, which will be…_

But I had gone numb by then, reading it.

I had gone to the funeral a few days later, had helped with my daughter, had done everything that was asked of me. The only problem was when I met a guy who wanted to marry him, and I said yes, I was numb, I made the mistake.

_**You're the best, and yes, I do regret  
How I could let myself let you go  
Now, now the lesson's learned  
I touched it, I was burned  
Oh, I think you should know!**_

I thought, every time, that he would come through the door and take me away, but it never happened. He always left me in there, to endure the torture, as I thought of it, while I thought of him.

But after that night, it was no more. I was leaving him, leaving that life.

_**Oh, won't you walk through  
And bust in the door and take me away  
Oh, no more mistakes  
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay**_

Because when I was with that man, I thought of Edward. Every time, I thought of his messy hair, his bright green eyes, and all the gentle embraces that we shared. And then there was my daughter, whose eyes and hair I saw every day, making me think of him. It made me feel guilty, watching her interests in music grow, like his had, and how much she reminded me of him.

I wanted to get rid of that man, that imposter that called himself my husband, while I thought of my former husband.

"Mom, are you alright?" I looked up and saw her eyes, the smallest piece of moonlight that was able to get through lighting up her eyes and showing me what I had been missing. The bronze colored hair that curled, just like her grandfather's, my father. She was now fourteen, and had curves and all the stuff that Edward said I had but just never saw. She was a beautiful girl, like he had said about me.

"I don't know, Blake. I don't know if I can stay here." She looked up at me with understanding. "Do you still miss daddy?" I had shown her pictures since she had been born, of me and him, only him, and she knew that the man in the bedroom was not her father.

I nodded, and she gave me a large hug. "You need to go to bed, I'll wake you in the morning so we can talk about it." She nodded and left the room, turning her head once to look back at me, and the moonlight once again lighting her eyes.

'_**Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you, what would you do  
If you were the one spending the night  
Oh, I wish I was looking into your, your eyes  
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes.**_

And I was always thinking of him, when I was held in the man's arms, when we lay in bed, when he tried to caress me gently, but always failed. He wasn't right for me, and never would be.

Within the next day, we had agreed on a divorce, that I would get the house, and that he wouldn't take anything from me. "I have enough to keep me up." He had said, and walked out the door. Before that, we had screamed and hollered at each other, him asking why I had asked for a divorce and me answering truly.

"BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH YOU! I STILL LOVE EDWARD! DON'T YOU GET WHY I NEVER MOVED CLOSER TO YOU ON THE COUCH, IN THE BED, ANYWHERE? I DON'T BELONG WITH YOU!" He had heard of my late husband and knew, now, what my feelings were like.

And it made me think of the marks that I had made of the wall, marking my belly each month of my pregnancy, just so Edward could see when he came home. But they weren't needed, because he never came home.

_**When I'm with him I am thinking of you… **_

**_*-*-*-*-*_**

**_Song is by Katy Perry, Thinking of you. I own nothing, characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, song to Katy Perry._**

**_I need your opinion, if you want me to continue this story or not. Of course, it's going to be after I finish writing Forgotten Marauder and Could Have Not Should Have, but if you review and give me an answer, I will definitely get to it. It will be about how they met, and when they were dating, the engagement, the marriage, the house, that pregnancy, the death, the birth, and the man after she thought she got over Edward. And then, the life after._**


End file.
